I am ripping off Bill Simmons. I can’t lie. You know I love Bill Simmons. I love his annual draft diary. And now I’m trying my hand at the art of “Running Diary.” Some backstory:

-I’m kind of light-headed right now. I stared at a computer, uploading actualities (you don’t need to know what those are) all day. And now I’m going to stare at a computer some more.

-I love the NBA Draft. Do you have a child? A boyfriend? A girlfriend? A family? I love the NBA Draft more than you love those entities. It’s just fun. It’s not arduous like the NFL Draft. It’s a fun way to spend 3 hours.

-For tonight, I’m only going to do a running diary of the first round. The second round is always littered with foreign player/projects who will never see the light of day in America and will inevitably be a wasted pick. And there will even be wasted first round picks. I’ll even tell you about them ahead of time.

-It’s currently 7:22 as I’m typing this preview before I down some leftovers masquerading as supper. There have been some trades today. For example, the New Jersey Nets traded their best player (Richard Jefferson) to the Milwaukee Bucks for Yi Jianlian and Bobby Simmons. The New Jersey Nets are tanking so that they’ll have enough cap space to sign LeBron James when he becomes a free agent in a few years and the team moves to the BK. We’ve also had some pick swappage. With that said, here is the current rundown of who is picking where:

1. Chicago Bulls
2. Miami Heat
3. Minnesota Timberwolves
4. Los Angeles Clippers (via Seattle)
5. Memphis Grizzlies
6. New York Knicks
7. Seattle Sonics
8. Milwaukee Bucks
9. Charlotte
10. New Jersey
11. Indiana
12. Sacramento
13. Portland
14. Golden State
15. Phoenix
16. Philadelphia
17. Indiana
18. Washington
19. Cleveland
20. Charlotte
21. New Jersey
22. Orlando
23. Utah
24. Seattle
25. Houston
26. San Antonio
27. Portland
28. Memphis
29. Detroit
30. Boston

7:30: I’m glad that Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson are around for this. They’re also joined by Stu Scott (maybe his glass eye will fall out tonight) and Jay Bilas who will get very excited and use the phrase “tremendous upside” repeatedly tonight.

7:33: And the Bulls are on the clock….
The Draft has begun. David Stern was his usual smug self. I wonder if he wears the same suit every draft and no one seems to notice. It’s a pretty solid lock that the Bulls are going to draft Derrick Rose here, which is the right pick. However, the Bulls are taking the full allotment of time. According to John Paxon, the Bulls will need to move Kirk Hinrich or Ben Gordon if they select Rose. I vote for Hinrich. He pouted too much during last season’s mess. I liked him at Kansas and have begun to like him less over time. The Bulls used all their time.

7:38: THE PICK: DERRICK ROSE (G/MEMPHIS). The Bulls took the hometown point guard and the best player in this draft. Stu Scott just ruined the greatest moment of Derrick Rose’s life by telling a story about how he likes to eat candy like Winnie the Pooh like honey. Great analysis. He’ll need to find a new number. I think 23 is taken in Chicago. Maybe he’ll go with 45.

7:40: Oh good, Stephen A. Smith is here. And he’s interviewing awkward teenagers. Here’s a paraphrase of their conversation:

SAS: Derrick Rose, the Bulls were terrible last year. How the hell ya’ gon’ fix dat?
Derrick Rose: Can I go back to Memphis?

I think Jermaine Dupri is in someone’s posse. I hope that Janet Jackson’s getting drafted.

7:43: Miami takes…..MICHAEL BEASLEY (PF/KANSAS STATE). A lot of people had begun to think that OJ Mayo was going to be the number2 pick. Myself sort of included. The Heat go with the National Freshman of the Year. His numbers were great in college. Jay Bilas just said that his arms go beyond the realm of human limits. That’s hyperbole at its best. He did just add the small aside that he plays no defense. Stu Scott: “Doris Burke is with someone from his family.” It’s his mother. Someone. Nice touch Stu. Michael Beasley’s mother looks like she was 11 when she had him. She can’t be older than 30.

7:46: Stephen A. and Beasley are talking now. Beasley is not a very good speaker. SAS is doing the same routine that he did with Rose. “Miami is terrible…What you gonna do?” I’m going to ignore the interview with John Paxson. I don’t think he’ll say, “Derrick Rose is not very good. I don’t know why we just did that. God damn I’m stupid.”

7:47: Minnesota is on the clock. I’m thinking this is 100%, no doubt going to be OJ Mayo. Think back to when USC was eliminated from the NCAA Tournament. OJ Mayo’s stock was mid-level lottery. He played exactly as many as zero games since then.

7:48: Minnesota takes OJ MAYO (PG/SG/USC). To continue the Mayo comment (he’s wearing glasses so that he looks more professional. Maybe they’ll show the highlight reel of him throwing a basketball off the backboard to himself in high school, then dunking the ball, catching it once it goes through the net, and kicking it into the crowd) he hasn’t played in a game, but his stock has skyrocketed to the point where he could have been the number 2 pick. I don’t really like this pick. Brook Lopez would have been a good pick.

7:51: Los Angeles is on the clock. They were going to take OJ Mayo if he was available. With him gone, they’ll take Eric Gordon from Indiana, who I think will be the biggest bust of the top-5 and I have no idea who will be taken at number 5. I’ve written it before: Eric Gordon did NOTHING in college. He was fragile and showed no emotion. He was more often than not (especially in Big 10 play) a cold shooter.

7:52: Pat Riley is blabbering right now. He should eat some hair gel.

7:53: So far, I’ve gotten 2/3 of the Draft right from my original mock. There was really no chance that Nicolas Batum was going to go 3.

7:54: We’ve just found out that the Clipper/Sonics deal is off. So now Seattle picks number 4. I’m guessing Brook Lopez here.

THE PICK: RUSSEL WESTBROOK (PG/SG UCLA)

7:55: I don’t like this pick very much, beyond Westbrook’s ability to play defense, which his new team cannot do. He’s not a great shooter. Jay Bilas just said that he’s not a true point guard and doesn’t think he may play it in the NBA. So that’s good. A 6’3” shooting guard. Go Sonics!

7:57: Memphis is on the clock. God only knows who is going here. It could be anyone. I’m going to guess that Kevin Love is going to get drafted here. They’re going to commercial. I’m going to break. Be back when they are.

8:00: And we’re back. That didn’t seem like much of a break. We’re now talking about how bad the Grizzlies are. They could have stayed at break for a few minutes, came back, and had Stu tell us, “The Grizz were just straight not bananas last year.”

8:01: THE PICK: KEVIN LOVE (PF/UCLA)…Love the pick because I love Kevin Love, though this has to remind people a little of Big Country Bryant Reeves, if only because Love is white and not exactly svelt. I like this pick a lot. He gives the Grizzlies some heart. A great rebounder. A great passer. He’s like Chris Webber. Just without the athleticism and Tyra Banks. I think he’ll be better than Pau Gasol down the road. Maybe a step in the right direction. They just showed footage of Love making a 94 foot chest-pass shot repeatedly.

8:04: Love is incredibly well-spoken, unlike the man interviewing him. He’s saying the right thing and saying it clearly. I love Kevin Love. Doris Burke has family duty. She’s now interviewing Stan Love (dad). This stuff reminds me of the stuff they show at the end of the news. Like ponies with 3 legs who save children from wells. I have no idea what was just said. I don’t care.

8:06: The Knicks are on the clock. Westbrook is gone. He was an option. I’m guessing Jerryd Bayless here.

THE PICK: (long applause)…..(still chatting)…..DANILO GALINARI (SF/Italy) (BOOING). This is especially awkward because he’s being booed. And he’s there. And Stu Scott just mumbled some Italian. So this is fun. Apparently Dominick Hasek is there. Or his brother. Here’s the breakdown: “I understand the skepticism. I told him he’d be booed….He’s not going to be a superstar…He’ll be a very solid player…Down the road, three or four years from now, the Knicks fans will be crowing about a guy known as “The Rooster.” Here’s another funny tidbit: Sources say that new Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni doesn’t like Danilo Galinari’s game. Apparently the Dominick Hasek look-alike is his father.

“I just like to win and play hard. And I would like the team to win. And New York is the greatest city in the world.”

(Booing)

“They can expect that I like to win…”

(More Booing)

This is going great.

8:11: Los Angeles (Clippers) is on the clock and is guaranteed to take Eric Gordon here. The desk jockey are still talking about Galinari (whose name I’m probably misspelling).

THE PICK: ERIC GORDON (SG/INDIANA). We know how I feel. The only thing I like about Eric Gordon is his suit. Jay Bilas: “He’s explosive off the bounce…He’s only about 6’3 1/2”… He doesn’t handle the ball particularly well…He had a wrist problem late in the season…He’s not a great passer and he turns the ball over…but man can he score.”

8:15: Gordon’s suit is amazing. White jacket. Black tie. Black and white striped shirt. SAS: “…He’s a bad man.” I agree.

Donnie Walsh (Knicks GM) is getting booed. He just called Galinari “unusual.” He’s very excited. So excited that I think he fell asleep 42 seconds ago.

8:17: Milwaukee is on the clock. They just picked up Richard Jefferson. This pick is going to be Brook Lopez. I can almost guarantee that.

(My worst fear…come true…I have to poop…I’m going to hold it)

THE PICK: JOE ALEXANDER (SF/WEST VIRGINIA). If you had told me that Joe Alexander would have been an NBA lottery pick last year, as a fan of his and his school’s (okay…a big fan) I would have called you a Satan worshiper. How in the name of Alex Ruoff did this happen? Yes, he’s long. And even though he’s white, he’s the best dunker in this draft and probably one of the best athletes. And now he’s talking with Stephen A. Smith. Who just stuttered. Joe Alexander’s suit is not very great. He’s also not very dynamic. I’m sort of shell-shocked right now.

8:21: Charlotte is on the clock and we’re going to commercial. This has to be Brook Lopez. Back in a moment.

8:24: They’re still booing Danilo Galinari. Jay Bilas says Brook Lopez is a steal here and would like them to pick him. I can’t believe he’s still on the board. I like Brook Lopez. We’re currently delaying the draft for a montage of Larry Brown pictures.

THE PICK: DJ AUGUSTIN (PG/TEXAS). Somewhere, Raymond Felton is breaking something. See, he’s the Bobcats starting point guard. And they just drafted someone who plays his position. And is shorter than 6’0”, no less. Brook Lopez is crying. The Bobcats will be doing that by about January. Awful pick. The table guys like the pick. I’ll be very glad when there are no players left in New York because then Stephen A. Smith will have no one to interview. And perhaps he can dodge taxis in midtown Manhattan.

8:28: DJ Augustin just compared Rick Barnes to Larry Brown. He’ll be running laps.

New Jersey is on the clock. They should take Brook Lopez. I’m just going to keep guessing that. He would be a great fit here. Ideal in fact.

8:29: THE PICK: BROOK LOPEZ (C/STANFORD). A great pick. There’s not a lot to say besides that. I think he’ll step in and be a quality center this year. And he’s only 19. Give him 10 years. He’ll be top-shelf. Jay Bilas agrees. So does Mark Jackson. I think his brother Robin will also be a very good NBA player. Doris Burke just interviewed Robin who is clearly high.

8:33: Welcome to the NBA, Brook Lopez. Stephen A. Smith is going to yell your vitals at you. 7’0”! 260 LBS! Blood-type O+! (I made that last part up).

8:34: And my wrist is hurting pretty badly now.

8:35: Indiana with THE PICK….JERRYD BAYLESS (PG/ARIZONA). Bayless should have gone much earlier. Much earlier. He’ll take Jammal Tinsley’s job by about late October, making him expendable with the addition yesterday of TJ Ford. Here’s the problem: Indiana is somewhere between terrible and very bad.

8:37: Stu just said “Rasho Nesterovic.” I hope that SAS yells his name disgustingly. I love that routine. Instead, Stephen asks the same question he’s asked all night, “People say you ain’t a true point guard. What you gotta say?” (Great suit for Bayless too. All cream.)

8:38: Sacramento is on the clock. ESPN is going to break. I just ate nearly an entire sleeve of butter crackers. I’ve also eaten a plate of leftover baked ziti. And I’m 2/3 of the way through a 32 oz. bottle of Gatorade Tiger (Cool Fusion…the green one). To recap, that’s butter, cheese, sucrose syrup, and pasta sauce sitting inside of me. Also, Gatorade has this ingredient: Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin.

8:41: THE PICK: Jason Thompson (F/Rider). I have no idea. He was in no mock drafts that I read. He went to Rider. Jay Bilas loves his motor. Apparently, he’s a 1972 Chevy Chevelle. He can step right in and play. That’s good.

8:44: Stu Scott just made a really bad joke about how Jason Thompson majored in Communication and wants to be a sports broadcaster. This is what happened:

Stu: In a related story, Jason will be hosting the second round of the draft (too long of a pause). No, I’m just kidding.

Van Gundy, Jackson, and Bilas: Staring at him. Completely straight faces.

Stu tosses to commercial and scolds them for not laughing at his joke.

8:46: Portland picks now. I’m guessing Brandon Rush.

THE PICK: Brandon Rush (SG/Kansas). Great pick. Just what they needed. Rush is all business. A solid player. A very good, long shooter. A veteran. Portland is ridiculously freaking good. Rush is one of, if not my favorite, player in this draft. People don’t think he’s assertive enough. He doesn’t need to be as an NBA role player. And a great one he’ll be. Love this pick. Phoenix, at 15, does not.

8:48 Golden State picks next. I imagine that they’ll take Darrell Arthur or Kosta Koufus. To be fair though, I’ll guess Koufus. Andy Katz is giving us the Sacramento spin for taking a player from Rider. He was apparently very good in his workout. That’s nice.

8:51: THE PICK: ANTHONY RANDOLPH (PF/LSU). One of my least favorite players in the draft. Randolph did nothing in college. Well, he averaged 15 PTS and 8 REB. At LSU. Playing for a last place team. Jay Bilas: “He makes Branden Wright of Golden State look like Mr. America.” Meaning: He’s really skinny. He’s 6’10” and 197 LBS. Please think about that for a moment.

8:54: Dick Vitale is going to rant. The first three picks were apparently “lock city.” He’s shocked about Russell Westbrook at number 4. He can’t believe that Seattle passed on Kevin Love. He wanted Kevin Love to play Center. And I’ve lost track of what he’s talking about. Just yelling now. He hated the Jason Thompson pick. He’s screaming at the top of his lungs.

8:56: I hate Stu Scott. His bad jokes are just…well…bad. We’re now reevaluating what we’ve seen.

8:56: Phoenix is picking now. I have no idea who they’ll take. THE PICK: ROBIN LOPEZ (C/STANFORD). Great pick. As I’ve said, I like Robin Lopez. I’m excited for him to take Shaq’s job. His hat does not fit his head. That is fun for the whole family. I think Lopez will become a more polished offensive player. His defense is already good. I think he could be a potential all-star down the road.

8:59: Philadelphia is on the clock. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the 76ers are going to take DeAndre Jordan.

9:00: Robin Lopez just entertained me by yelling about what he’s going to do in the NBA. Mainly play defense. Also have hair competitions with Steve Nash. Commercial break.

9:03: THE 76ers PICK: MAUREESE SPAIGHTS (F/C/FLORIDA). Spaights is a really good young scorer. Very raw. So there’s room for him to develop. With Philly, he can take some time. They have Samuel Dalembart who is a capable center. Spaights is a three-year player. ESPN is going to commercial again. That was weird. Back in a minute.

9:07: Toronto with THE PICK: ROY HIBBERT (C/GEORGETOWN). The Raptors take a player who will be sent to Indiana. He’s 7’2”. He’s known as “The Big Stiff,” by his college coach’s father. I watched a ton of Hibbert and I don’t think he’s very good. He disappears, which is tough to do when you’re 7’2”. I don’t think he can score. Stu just mentioned his nickname. Hah! I win, Stu. Hibbert would have been a good fit with Toronto. With Indiana, I don’t know if he’s a good fit.

9:11: ESPN has gone to commercial again. They planned this very well. No commercials for the first half hour. 3 breaks in the last 28 seconds, seemingly. Washington is on the clock. Before I left work, I told one of my co-workers (a Wiz fan) that they’d pick Kosta Koufos. He’s available. He’d also be a good fit.

9:12: We were just watching Brook Lopez speak with a mouth full of cotton balls. Now new Suns coach Terry Porter, who is not qualified to work at a Hardee’s, is babbling. Someone pick.

9:13: THE PICK: JaVALLE MCGEE (PF/NEVADA). McGee is a stupid-good athlete. His mother played in the WNBA. How’s that possible? Matt needs a draft update right now. Too bad ESPN isn’t going to commerical.

9:15: Ric Bucher is talking. The Blazers just picked up Ike Diogu and Jerryd Bayless from Indiana for Brandon Rush and Jarrett Jack. Indiana wins this pick. Hands down. I don’t see how Ike Diogu fits into anything Portland does. Jarrett Jack will be a very good backup in Indiana.

9:16: Back to JaVale McGee. No, I was done.

9:17: Cleveland is on the clock. This is the most important pick of the draft in terms of next year. They need a guy who can score with LeBron. I think this has to be Donte’ Green. I love him here.

9:19: Mark Jackson just told Darrell Arthur (waiting in the green room) to chew some gum.

THE PICK: JJ HICKSON (F/NC STATE). Hickson is young, raw, and an tough athlete. Jay Bilas tells us that he’s built for the NBA right now. He’s apparently undersized (height). And Jay doesn’t like his motor. He’s more of a 1992 Hyundai Excel.

9:22: Commercial time. I’m going to call Matt and tell him what he’s missing.

9:27: THE PICK: Alexis Ajinca (C/France). I have no idea who he is. He gets no CAPS. He averaged 5 PTS in France last year.

9:29: We just found out that Portland is sending Josh McRoberts to Indiana in that trade from a few minutes ago. That means nothing to anyone. Jerryd Bayless is clearly upset that he has to get a new hat.

9:30: New Jersey is on the clock. They can really help themselves out next year with a good pick here. Darrell Arthur might be a good idea. Gives them another low post presence. Which they had about -4 of last year. Sorry Nenad Kristic.

9:32: THE PICK: RYAN ANDERSON (PF/CALIFORNIA). Ryan Andersen is a great scorer. Jay Bilas just agreed with me. The New Jersey fans are upset because they don’t watch college basketball. Ryan Anderson is a great offensive talent.

9:35: I just found out that OJ Mayo has “Sacrifice” and “Dedication” tattooed on each bicep. It’s almost like he did that intentionally for the NBA Draft Promo. Orlando is on the clock with pick 22.

9:37: Jeff Van Gundy says Orlando needs a guard. He knows this because his brother is the coach. They’re going to take CDR.

9:38: THE PICK: COURTNEY LEE (G/WESTERN KENTUCKY). Lee is a great scorer and led a Western Kentucky team to the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tourney. He’s a great athlete (aren’t they all?). Bilas thinks that Lee is ready right now. He doesn’t think he’ll be a star. He fits in well on the Magic.

9:40: Rather than listen to Kiki Vandeweghe (GM-New Jersey Nets), I have a thought: This year’s draft hasn’t been that silly. I’m used to more Jason Thompson (Was that his name? The Rider kid? Yea, him?) picks and less Courtney Lee picks (ones that make sense). Also, I like being wrong about all of these picks. It helps prove my legitimacy as knowledgeable.

9:42: Utah is picking. Chris-Douglas Roberts also makes sense here.

THE PICK: KOSTA KOUFOS (C/OHIO STATE). I forgot that he was available. He’s been around for probably far too long. I don’t think he’s particularly good, but he fits in pretty well in Utah. They don’t run. He’s a white stiff. Works like magic. Commercial.

9:46: Seattle is on the clock for the second time. They have 4 more after this. Cuts should be fun for that team. Mark Jackson just made a Ricky Ricardo reference. I have no idea where they go here. I’ll guess Darrell Arthur. I’ll probably be very wrong.

THE PICK: SERGE IBAKA (F/CONGO). Fran Frischilla: “This guy is the youngest player in the draft…Forget his name. He’ll stay in Spain…He could end up being a shot blocker and rebounder…He would have been a high school All-American this year….maybe be a household name.” He has 17 brothers and sisters. He needs to improve his experience apparently. Van Gundy thought that was stupid. I do too. The only way he won’t improve his experience is if he goes the way of Len Bias.

9:54: Amanda just told me that she thinks that Roy Hibbert was traded to Indiana. She thinks she saw that on the screen. We’ll work on that.

9:55: Houston is on the clock. We’re talking about Yao Ming right now. I’m now rooting for every team to not draft Chris-Douglas Roberts. Nicolas Batum will go here…

THE PICK: NICOLAS BATUM (G/FRANCE). Out of the gym athlete. He was my number 3 pick for a reason. I think he could develop into Kevin Durant.

9:58: Amanda was just asking me if anyone was going to take Darrell Arthur just before we found out that he has a kidney disorder. So that’s just sad all around. Now I’m rooting for him even though I don’t think he’s a very good player.

9:59: Roy Hibbert has apparently been traded to Indiana. Everyone is apparently. I guess they finally realized that they needed a new team. Mike D’Antoni was just lying about Danilo Galinari.

10:01: The San Antonio Spurs haven’t drafted American in a while.

THE PICK: GEORGE HILL (G/IUPUI). I have no idea who he is. Jay Bilas likes him. I don’t really care.

10:03: I just realized that I already knew that Roy Hibbert had been traded to Indiana. Hopefully you haven’t been screaming at the computer for the past couple minutes. Give me some credit. I’m still going minute-by-minute.

10:05: New Orleans is on the clock. This would be a good destination for Darrell Arthur if he wasn’t about to die of a kidney disorder in the green room at MSG. This is a minute-by-minute situation. Pretty soon we’ll have doctors reporting on this.

10:06: And I’ve just been reminded by Stu that this is actually Portland’s pick, because New Orleans sold it to them yesterday. The Phoenix Suns have been selling draft picks for years. They’re usually worth about 2 1/2-3 million dollars in this area. The similarities between the NBA Draft and 19th century slavery are just mind-boggling.

10:07: What would be the best way to get Stu Scott to stop speaking? Send me your ideas. That way I’ll know if you read every word of this.

10:08: THE PICK: DARRELL ARTHUR (PF/KANSAS). For all we know, he’ll be dead by training camp. No one really knows what the issue is, though Amanda just said, “Maybe his kidney disease gives him super powers.” The Trail Blazers may have just gotten a steal.

10:10: I thought we were through with Stephen A. Smith. If I just had to sit for an hour waiting to get drafted, and found out that I have a kidney disorder, I wouldn’t be very happy. His mother is crying. I’d assume it’s the kidney thing. I imagine this will be something we’ll never hear about again. His mother just had this breakdown: “He’s going to do well.” We have a replacement for Fran Frischilla.

10:13: The Memphis Grizzlies are picking now. They picked up Kevin Love earlier. There aren’t a lot of white guys left, so it’ll be tough to go with a whiteout. If they’re trading Mike Miller, drafting Chris Douglas-Roberts would be a good idea, beyond the fact that he wouldn’t have to move. Jay Bilas just said that. I’m really hoping that CDR stays on the board. Fran Frischilla on Marc Gasol: “He’ll be better than people think.”

10:15: THE PICK: DONTE GREEN (SF/SYRACUSE). Yes, Stu, we know. Lots of freshman. Green is another good athlete. He’s long. Jay Bilas says that he “Has got all the tools but no key to the tool box.” That’s pretty accurate. Too bad for him that he’s going to a team with no veteran leadership that can work with him. Unless you count 21 year old Rudy Gay as a veteran leader.

10:18: Commercial break. Getting some ice cream. Almost done.

10:20: Dr. Ric Bucher just informed us that Darrell Arthur’s kidney issue was actually just a kidney technicality. So that’s done now.

10:21: Detroit is going to draft a random foreign player here. I’ll guess Ante Tomic. They can stop talking about Detroit now. No one cares.

10:22 THE PICK: DJ WHITE (PF/INDIANA). Two Indiana players in the first round makes NO SENSE. He once reminded Jay Bilas of James Worthy. “He’s not the athlete that he used to be.” When you’re 22 years old and about to be a professional athlete and someone says that about you, that’s not so good. How is he different from Jason Maxiell.

10:23: Celtics time. CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR CDR. In the case that they don’t take him, I’d also like (in no particular order):
Ante Tomic (for no reason)
Mario Chalmers (PG/Kansas)
Bill Walker (SF/Kansas State)
Trent Plastaid (C/BYU…so Scalabrine has a friend)

10:28: Doc’s gatorade drenched shirt brought in 50G on eBay. Stu told the guy who bought it to “get a life.” Glass houses Stu. Glass houses.

10:29: Jay Bilas is shocked at all of these young kids getting drafted. They may have just edited old footage from drafts past for that. I’m not used to waiting this long for a Celtics pick. I’m wearing the same (unwashed) shirt that I wore when they won the title last week.

10:30: The table jockeys are stalling right now talking about nothing really.

10:31: THE PICK: JR GIDDENS (SG NEW MEXICO). He’s known as a bit of an, well, asshole. Kevin Garnett won’t allow that. I like this pick. I would have preferred CDR. But Giddens was recruited by Kansas and played there. He’s got a lot of skill and talent. Just needs to get his attitude removed from him.

10:33: As Dick Vitale complains about how it’s a draft of potential and how these kids shouldn’t have had to go to college and blah blah blah blah. Now isn’t the time, Dick. Take a nap or go to a Tampa Bay Rays game.

Just going off memory of what happened, New Jersey and Indiana had the best drafts to me. I love the pick of Kevin Love by Memphis.

On the flip side, I don’t love the Russell Westbrook pick or the Serge Ibaka pick for Seattle. I’m not sure why Sacramento took that guy from Rider. Jason Whats-His Name. And then there’s the Spurs who drafted a guy who played at a school whose only claim to fame was that their coach coached a game barefoot.

So that’s the NBA Draft. As Dick Vitale said, “It’s all potential.” But it’s always great.

Hope you enjoyed the diary.

I thought about writing a blog post about the Boston Celtics’ World Championship (read that again…World Championship) after the game early Wednesday morning. I decided, rightly, that I would be better off just leaving it to the professionals and giving my thoughts on Friday (today). So here they are:

Wow. We’ve seen blowout Super Bowls. The Bears beat the Patriots by 45 points in 1986. We see blowouts in baseball games. Rarely do you see NBA Finals games like what we saw Tuesday night. It was just as much a matter of the Lakers coming out flat as it was the Celtics coming out throwing haymakers. Late in the 4th quarter, when the game started to resemble an NBA Rookies/Sophomores game, I wanted the Celtics to throw Bill Russell, Hondo, JoJo White, Tommy Heinson, and Brian Scalabrine out on the court to play the Lakers. I don’t think we would have seen much difference. The Lakers didn’t decide that it was necessary to play hard and I was glad that the great Wycliffe Grousbeck didn’t effuse false praise on the Lakers for being an other-worldly foe who laid their blood and guts on the floor to win. Because the Lakers didn’t do that. They played the game like their fans cheered for it. Sitting on their fat hands, counting their money, and waiting for it all to be over.

I love hustle, in all of its forms. I like when Jay-Z raps about hustlin’. I like walking briskly. And I love it when sports teams play like their asses are on fire. I especially love it when they continue playing like that when they’re up by forty points in a basketball game, while their opponent plays like their enemy’s house is on fire; standing around apathetically, wondering what they should do.

I will never forget this series. I will never forget the Game 4 comeback. My favorite game of the series. How could it not have been? The Celtics came back from down 24 to win in Los Angeles. Game 2 was nerve-racking in the fourth quarter. But exciting when they pulled it out in the end. Game 1 had Paul Pierce’s knee injury (say what you’d like of it). Game 3 was forgettable, beyond that the Lakers won the game. There was nothing great about the game. Game 5 was frustrating; The NBA clearly urging their officials to stretch the series to a sixth game. And Game 6 was just fun. It was a 48 minute celebration of the Celtics franchise. It was a 48 minute party with 18,000 friends acting like fans should: standing, chanting, yelling, and celebrating. We got to see Tony Allen, who looks like he’d be better suited as a member of the Cash Money Millionaires. You have Glen Davis, who Amanda is convinced is slightly retarded. We got Perk and his shoulder band-aids. And then we got the unsung heroes of this series: Leon Powe, Eddie House, and, more so, James Posey. Posey could have won the MVP of this series if not for Paul Pierce’s career-altering and career-making series. Posey was instant energy. Putting James Posey in the game was like drinking 2 speed-laced Red Bulls. I hope to God that he’s back next season.

Paul Pierce deserves his own paragraph and an apology from me, not that he cares. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have never supported Paul Pierce. I have called for him to be traded as recently as the beginning of this year. I have said, “The Celtics will never win a championship with Paul Pierce.” Quoted. I’ve said that. I was never a fan of Pierce’s sulking. I kept thinking back to 2005 when Paul Pierce showed up to a press conference after Game 6 against Indiana with medical tape wrapped around his head. And I kept thinking that this guy had been stabbed 11 times. Generally, you don’t get stabbed that much unless you’ve done something wrong, not that it’s right to stab anyone for their wrongs. And most importantly, I kept thinking about all of the 10 second Paul Pierce possessions, whereby Paul would bring the ball up the court, dribble for a few seconds, and launch a 22-foot fade-away jumper, inevitably missing it. When Antoine Walker was around, I wanted ‘Toine, not the Truth, who I referred to as “The Lie.”

Maybe Pierce played like he did in the playoffs during the regular season. I wouldn’t know. I only got to watch the Celtics when they were on ESPN or TNT, what with the whole “Living In Washington DC” thing. The Paul Pierce that I saw in the playoffs was a very different Pierce. He played great defense. He didn’t spend the whole game taking pull up or fade-away jumpers. Pierce slashed to the basket. He took on 3 defenders. He passed to open teammates. He drew fouls. He made his free throws. He played harder than I’ve ever seen him play. He became “The Truth.” Without him, the Celtics would not have gotten past Atlanta. With him, they won the championship that I never thought they could. And I was wrong. And for that I apologize.

Apologies are also in order for Doc Rivers. There are people who are saying that he didn’t outcoach Phil Jackson. That he just had a more motivated team. HELLO! That’s coaching in the NBA! Phil Jackson could not motivate his team to want to give everything to win a title. If the Celtics were a bunch of citrus fruit, Doc Rivers was able to squeeze as much juice out of them as he could. And that’s great coaching in my opinion. His X’s and O’s were still pretty horrendous. They kept running the same screen-and-roll play. Tom Thibodeau is the coaching savant here, not Doc Rivers. But a huge kudos to Doc Rivers for being a great motivator.

When the Celtics made the Kevin Garnett trade, there was a part of me that didn’t think it would get them over the hump. I mean, it was the Celtics. Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers were central figures in the everyday running of the team. But Danny Ainge brought in great role players, like Posey, House, and PJ Brown. And Doc lit a fire under his team. And Ray Allen hit his shots. And Paul Pierce became a leader before our eyes. And Kevin Garnett pounded his chest and screamed, “AHHHHHHHHHH!” And Rajon Rondo overcame his glaring faults by showing us his great talent defensively and his ability to slash and kick.

This was the perfect team. There was no Dino Radja. There was no Jerome Moiso. There was no Sherman Douglas. There was no Greg Minor. There was no Pervis Ellison. No Marty Conlon, Todd Day, or Alton Lister. This was a team with great role players, who recognized their role. And when one guy was off, a teammate picked up their game and tried to compensate. Like any team, they had their flaws. The key was that they didn’t exploit their own flaws, like some lesser teams do. Rarely do we see a team like this in sports. A team that clearly loved each other. Eddie House would go to war for Glen Davis, who would go to war for Ray Allen who would go to war for James Posey, and on and on. Over the course of a 108 game season, when one man fell, two men picked him up. The model for “team” won the NBA Championship this year. And I, no we, couldn’t be happier that it was the Boston Celtics. Our Boston Celtics. Our World Champions.

I originally went with “neck,” but decided that wouldn’t be painful enough.

I loathe Sasha Vujacic. My hate for Kobe Bryant is well known, I feel. There is no other Laker I despise more than Kobe Bryant. However, Sasha Vujacic, you ma’am are so mind-defyingly loathsome that I can easily place you as the second most hate-able player on what is not a team, but is a group of players: The Los Angeles Lakers.

I don’t understand how people can root for that group of players. For once, Boston fans should rejoice at the fact that the TV guys want the Celtics to win. Beyond the fact that Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson are the two best color commentary guys in TV basketball, they’re also the most honest. They clearly hate the Lakers. Mike Breen, who I don’t love (I would prefer to see ESPN use TNT’s Kevin Harlan. The agreement would be easy. They advertise each other’s games. I’m sure TNT would allow ESPN to use one of their announcers. And we’d get to hear the phrase, “Right Between The Eyes!” repeatedly. I’d also really enjoy Marv Albert. And the nostalgic in me would really prefer Bob Costas. But I digress…) is forced by the people in his ear to be as straight as possible. All play-by-play men are supposed to be. What makes this broadcasting team different is that Van Gundy calls Breen out when he’s inventing positive things to say about the Lakers. Van Gundy and Jackson see that the Lakers do not play as a team. They play, as I’ve pointed out many times in this post, like a group of players. They scowl at each other. They yell at each other. Van Gundy pointed out the difference in the benches. The Lakers bench sits and watches the game with as much enthusiasm as the elitist blowhards who paid a sum of money I cannot comprehend to say they were at the game do. The Celtics bench stands and cheers and comes out onto the court to congratulate or support their teammates when timeouts are called. (If there is someone who is a true Lakers fan who reads my blog, I would love for them to argue that the previous paragraph was wrong. I don’t want devil’s advocates. I want true Laker fans. Are there any?)

I don’t have a lot to say about last night’s game. Well, I do. Here are my thoughts:

1.) Dick Bevetta? Yea? Dick Bevetta got this assignment?:
David Stern needs to be stopped. David Stern, the NBA’s commissioner, had the testicular fortitude to assign Dick Bevetta to last night’s game. There is an ongoing investigation of Dick Bevetta’s possible involvement in fixing NBA games that he himself refereed. This all stems from the Tim Doughnahy investigation. Doughnahy, a former NBA referee, bet on basketball games that he officiated. That’s a no-no. Well, Dick Bevetta, who died in 1976 but is still calling actual NBA games, is being investigated by the federales. So imagine my indignation that Dick Bevetta would be assigned to ref last night’s game. In LA. With the NBA pulling for maybe another game in the series. Because the TV ratings are up. And when TV ratings are up, advertising dollars are up. And money is good. I’ve been trying to ignore the Bevetta thing in the playoffs. I’m trying to enjoy a great NBA playoffs and a great Finals matchup. And the only Boston team I really love being on the cusp of their first title in 20+ years. Their first title of my knowing life. But it’s hard to do that when Dick Bevetta’s rotting corpse is propped up to officiate Game 5 of the NBA Finals in Los Angeles. David Stern sucks.

2.) Bad officiating
Paul Pierce was fouled by Kobe Bryant on his “great” “steal” in the 4th quarter. Paul Pierce was fouled ten seconds earlier when he rebounded a missed free throw. He was MAULED! Kevin Garnett could have been attacked by cheetahs in the paint and there would have been no fouls called. However, when Kevin Garnett makes a clean block on a Pau Gasol shot, it’s a foul. His fifth foul. A lot of people don’t like to complain about officiating. They say that you should win the game no matter what. Those people are wrong. Dead wrong. It’s hard to win a tightly contested game when the other team is allowed to play tighter and more physical defense than you are.

3.) Paul Pierce…Paul Pierce…Paul Pierce
I would be the biggest liar in the world if I told you that I loved Paul Pierce. I’ve gone through periods where I didn’t like Paul Pierce. I’ve called for him to be traded about 390 times…in the last year. I’ve been wrong. Paul Pierce has stepped his game up when it mattered. I’m not the only person to say this. Everyone is drinking the new “Truth” flavor of Kool-Aid. He’s the reason why the Celtics are up 3-2 heading home for Tuesday night’s Game 6. While the previously deceased Ray Allen has resurfaced as Zombie Ray Allen and has been great offensively, Pierce’s defense on Kobe Bryant has been beyond great. Find a word for it and send it to me. Pierce is the Finals MVP so far.

4.) Rajon? Rajon? Where are you???

5.) Someone tell me how Sam Cassell is still alive? Am I the only one who has been sending him rabid badgers?

6.) Doc is still outcoaching Phil Jackson.

Frankly, I expect the Celtics to win this series. I know I have a penchant for jinxing. But, really, don’t we all? I was not even remotely nervous about last night’s game. They didn’t really have anything to lose, besides the game. They’re still up 3-2. They’re still playing the last two games in the North End. And most importantly, they’re still the better team. Well, the only team.

Game O’ The Day: 18-hole playoff for the US Open title between Rocco Mediate and Tiger Woods. That just edges out the Florida Marlins/Seattle Mariners blood feud that features tonight’s marquee Andrew Miller vs. Carlos Silva pitching matchup.

There is no term that can do justice to what happened last night. None. No single word in the English language (or any for that matter) can summarize what we saw in Downtown Los Angeles last night. It will take a series of words. The title today, is the best I am capable of.

As I said to Matt, via text, after the first quarter, the only way that could have gone any worse was if Paul Pierce was stabbed 11 times again. With tires, there are varying degrees of flat. You have the slow leak, “Oh, it looks like your tire is a little low,” flat. And then you have the “You car has been abandoned in sand dunes for 20 years and is rusty and the tires are so flat that the rims of the car are now the only things keeping the fenders from being three inches into the earth,” flat. That was how flat the Celtics were in the first quarter last night. To be honest, because it’s the NBA, I wasn’t totally concerned. Sure they were down 20 points in the first 12 minutes and sure Lamar Odom was hitting every shot he took, and sure Kobe Bryant had yet to attempt a field goal. But it’s the NBA. Everybody makes a run.

Then the 2nd quarter happened. The Celtics started to score a bit more. The Lakers, however, did the same. The Celtics defense was porous. Doc couldn’t find a rotation that worked. He tried Leon Powe. Sam Cassell. At one point in the 3rd quarter, he tried Tony Allen, who I believe had been living in an igloo somewhere in northern Alaska since the playoffs began, before Doc decided to give him a call and come play. Nothing seemed to turn the tide though. Doc couldn’t get the right personnel out there to stop the Lakers. The Celtics could get the lead down a bit (after going down 24) to about 12 points, but the Lakers would make a run and the Celtics would have to try to chip away more.

Jump now to halfway through the third quarter. Kendrick Perkins hurts his shoulder. And the fortunes of the Boston Celtics miraculously alter at that very moment. Now, I like Perk’s hustle and his intensity. And, as he did in Game 5 against Detroit in the Eastern Conference Finals, Perk can play pretty well at times. But Kendrick Perkins is not the key to the Boston Celtics success. And at times, I think he’s an offensive liability on the court. So with Perk gone, Doc decided to go small. Very small. He moved KG to the Center spot and went with a The Truth and Posey at the forward spots and Ray Allen and Eddie House almost sharing time as the point guard/2 guard. The Lakers could not match this lineup.

To me, the biggest reason the Celtics won last night’s amazing game was due as much to Kobe Bryant’s need to be the guy who takes every shot when his team doesn’t have the momentum. If Kobe had continued to play in the 2nd half the way he did in the first quarter: driving, drawing double teams, and kicking out to wide-open teammates, the Lakers would have won by 15. But Kobe, as he usually is, was insistent on having the ball in his hands at all times. And Paul Pierce was up to the challenge. His defense was outstanding. Beyond outstanding. Incomprehensible. Pierce has never been regarded as Ron Artest meets Scottie Pippen, but his defense in this series particularly has been a key to the Celtics now 3-1 series lead.

And now, for something that you never thought you’d hear and I can’t believe I’m typing: Doc Rivers has outcoached Phil Jackson in this series. In the NBA, a league full of stars who “forget” the play coming out of the huddle, Phil Jackson has been at the mercy of Kobe Bryant. He (Phil) has no control over the Lakers on the court. Case in point: First quarter, the Lakers are dribbling the ball with a big lead and about 14 seconds on the shot clock when Phil inexplicably calls a timeout. Derek Fisher could not have looked more incensed. I assume that the so-called “Zen Master” (I prefer Arrogance Master) wanted his team to run his triangle. So he likely called a play. And what happened out of the timeout? Lamar Odom received the inbounds pass. Dribbled for a few seconds, and hit a 18 foot jump shot. Now ask yourself, is that the play that Phil Jackson called out of the timeout? The Lakers, at least in this series, do not appear to respond to Phil Jackson. Meanwhile, at the other end of the court, the Celtics eat up every word out of Doc Rivers’ mouth. He motivates more than he coaches. But in the NBA, especially in games like last night’s, perhaps that’s all you need. There’s no 20 point play you can draw up. But there are certainly words and phrases that can lead to 10 2-point plays.

Heading in to Sunday’s Game 5, I don’t know what to expect. If momentum was 100 points given out to two teams, the Lakers would have 0 and the Celtics would have 100. By no means do I think this series is over. I don’t want to have to deal with a Celtics collapse. I don’t want to shed tears next Thursday, unless it’s because the Celtics are holding up the trophy at center court at the Garden. If Phil Jackson is as good a coach as he says he is, the Lakers will be pissed off on Sunday and will wipe the Celtics off the Staples Center floor. But at least the Celtics know that no matter how hot the Lakers play, the Celtics can play with them. And that’s got to be a great feeling.

Normally, I would end the post there. Last night’s game was so historical that it deserves to stand alone. However, I haven’t given the readers a Mid-Atlantic Bias in 8 days. And this is only my second in since May 30. So lets talk some baseball.

The playoff matchups, should they begin the playoffs today would be:

AL:
Boston vs. Chicago
Los Angeles vs. Tampa Bay

NL:
Chicago vs. Arizona
Philadelphia vs. St. Louis

The thing that jumps out to me is how much Arizona is struggling of late. They were, if you remember, the best team in baseball for a while. Now they are 4 1/2 games up on the Dodgers and 6 up on the Giants, who are somehow not the worst team in baseball (That goes to the Seattle Mariners). There a few teams to watch. Texas is one of them. They’re at .500. They are 7 1/2 back of Los Angeles of Anaheim of California of the United States of America of North America of Earth of the Milky Way. However, the Angels have been hot of late and will cool down. Also, the Yankees. By this time next month, they’ll be in the Wild Card spot. Mark it down. In the NL, I think we’ve got our playoff matchups already. The Milwaukee Brewers are the only team I see with a shot to make the playoffs right now of those teams who are not in it. The Braves and Mets are abysmal. And the rest of the Central and West are no better.

It’s also time for the 4/10 (2/5) awards. It seems like I just did this, but that’s because I did. Last time, I got a lot of negative feedback from an incensed Matthew. Lets see what I can muster this time around:

AL MVP: Previous Winner: Josh Hamilton
Current Winner: Same. Hamilton is still leading in HR and RBI in the AL. And while I said last time around that Texas has no legit shot at the playoffs, I may have been wrong. They have a shot. To this point, no one in the AL has been as good as Josh Hamilton. Period.

NL MVP: Previous Winner: Lance Berkman
Current Winner: Same. This is where I got Matt the angriest last time. His belief was that Chipper Jones (hitting .414 at the moment) should be the MVP. However, Berkman is still my choice because of his power numbers (2nd in HR, 3rd in RBI) to go with his .366 average. Chase Utley is also in this conversation. Right now, I go Berkman, Utley, then Jones. In the end, I think this award will go to Utley, for what it’s worth.

AL Cy Young: Previous Winner: Daisuke Matsuzaka
Current Winner: Cliff Lee (Cleveland Indians). Daisuke hasn’t pitched since I gave him the Cy Young. And Cliff Lee at the moment has 10 wins and a 2.52 ERA, along with a K/BB ratio of 5.00. Whatever you think about Cliff Lee, you can’t argue with those numbers.

NL Cy Young: Previous Winner: Edinson Volquez
Current Winner: Same. 9 wins. 1.56 ERA. Leads the Majors in strikeouts (96). The only player near him is Tim Lincecum of the Giants.

AL Rookie of the Year: Previous Winner: David Murphy
Current Winner: Same. Who would’ve thought?

NL Rookie of the Year: Previous Winner: Geovany Soto
Current Winner: Same. He’s got this locked up.

AL Manager of the Year: Previous Winner: Joe Maddon
Current Winner: Same. The Rays are still in the playoffs. Maddon is still the Manager of the Year.

NL Manager of the Year: Previous Winner: Fredi Gonzalez
Current Winner: Lou Pinella. The Marlins have faltered. The Cubbies, have not. They’re the best team in the Majors hands down. We’ll see what the Soriano loss does to them in the next 2 months.

What You Need To Watch This Weekend:

EURO Cup 2008:
Matches to Watch: France vs. Netherlands (Friday 2:45), Sweden vs. Spain (Saturday 12:00), and Switzerland vs. Portugal (Sunday 2:45).

MLB Game O’ The Weekend:
Yankees @ Astros (Sunday) Chien-Ming Wang vs. Roy Oswalt. This weekend’s slate is weak. The only matchup featuring two teams currently in the playoffs is the Phillies vs. Cardinals, but none of their pitching matchups are particularly intriguing. So I’ll take Wang vs. Oswalt. I will not watch this game.

THE GAME THAT YOU NEED TO WATCH:
Celtics @ Lakers (Game 5 Sunday night). No predictions. We’ll see if on Monday I write a piece about the Champion Boston Celtics or my fears heading into Tuesday night’s Game 6 in Boston. Until then, enjoy your weekend. Good to be back.

So, I worked today until 6. It’s 8 right now. It occurred to me that I promised my readers a Mid-Atlantic Bias today and while it won’t be long or in depth, at least it’s something.

I need to give my finals predictions before Game 1 starts. Little info, my aunt and her boyfriend from Boise are in Boston to attend Games 1 and 2. I am filled with envy.

Breakdown By Position:

PG (Derek Fisher vs. Rajon Rondo): Advantage Fisher. He’s got all the experience. He’s been here before and he’s a great team player. Rondo is as well, but Fisher is a much better shooter. If we judge this by Rondo’s potential, he’s the winner. But for this 7 game series, I’d take Fisher.

SG (Kobe Bryant vs. Ray Allen): Moving on…

SF (Lamar Odom vs. Paul Pierce): “Closer than the experts think,” to quote a great college football analyst. When Odom shows up, he is capable of taking a game over. Because he doesn’t always take games over, I am going to give a slight nod to Pierce, but if this is as simple as rating players on a 1-10 basis, Odom at his best is an 8.0, Pierce at his usual is about the same.

PF (Vladimir Radmonovic vs. Kevin Garnett): See the SG matchup.

C (Pau Gasol vs. Kenrick Perkins): If Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals Perk shows up, this will be a close matchup. If their normal versions show up, Gasol will average 16 pts., 10 Reb and Perk will foul out and scowl. Advantage Gasol.

Benches (Vujacic, Farmar, Walton, Turiaf vs. Posey, House or Cassell (preferably Eddie House, then perhaps a scarecrow, then Cassell), Powe, Brown): Advantage Celtics. Posey is the key here. I would start him at the 2 against Kobe.

Coaches (Phil Jackson vs. Glenn Rivers): You know how I said “Moving on…” for the SG and PF matchups. This is the equivalent of Michael Jordan squaring off against Drazen Petrovic’s corpse.

Your Winner: If I go with my heart, it’s Celtics in 3 (with a Lakers forfeit after they lose by 39 in Game 3). If I go with my head and what I’ve got here, it’s Lakers in 6. Gasol is the key. The Celtics won both regular season games before the February Gasol trade. The Lakers are a completely different team now. I can’t see Ray Allen defending Kobe with any success. I think the Celtics will win tonight’s game in front of a whiteout at the Garden. The Lakers will likely steal Game 2, much like the Pistons did in the conference finals.

Whatever happens, enjoy this series, basketball fan or not. We’re not old enough to have really experienced the history and aura of Celtics/Lakers in the 80’s and certainly not old enough for the 60’s rivalry. Try to savor this as much as possible. It’s going to be fun.

Hey all. I started my internship today (which I’m not allowed to talk about in a blog, so I won’t).

I am not going to terminate Mid-Atlantic Bias, however, it will be appearing a maximum of twice a week until further notice. As much as I enjoy my blog and like giving my friends something to read, the 7:30-7 day (including commute) really isn’t conducive to taking an hour and a half to post.

Mid-Atlantic Bias will become a Monday/Friday venture. However, this Friday I am flying home in the early morning and next Monday, I’ll still be in Massachusetts (flying home at night). So here’s what you need to look for:

Thursday June 5: Mid-Atlantic Bias
Friday June 13: Mid-Atlantic Bias

This looks sadder than I originally thought it would. I understand if no one wants to read anymore. For those of you who enjoy it enough to stick with it and for my own personal needs to vent about sports, I will continue the blog.

Again and as always, I thank you all for being casual readers, semi-daily readers, or voracious readers, but mainly for reading.

I hope my New Hampshire contingent has moved into their new digs nicely.

Any requests for this Thursday, please, all, send them along!