While I was away, there were a few news stories that captured the imagination of the Americas. I’d like to talk about these stories.

The big sports story of the moment actually has far more to do with TMZ (feel free to go back and watch my video now) than with ESPN, though the Leader has decided to up the ante on their coverage of this story, reporting pieces of “investigative” “journalism” from TMZ as though they were from the NYT. There’s a world of things that may have happened between Tiger and Elin Woods. He may have cheated on her with a sunglasses aficionado. She may have smacked him in the face with a 3 wood. She may have smashed the windows on his Cadillac Escalade. He may have a golf cart sitting in his front yard. The one definite in this story is that Tiger Woods and his PR machine botched this story worse than OJ and AC botched their trip to Mexico in 1994. How easy would it have been for Tiger Woods to just tell “the truth?” I mean, what’s more likely? That Tiger Woods was leaving his house at 2:30 in the morning, backed out of the driveway, hit a fire hydrant, careened into a neighbors yard, hit a tree, and was knocked unconscious or that he got into a fight with his wife, tried to leave, and boom went the dynamite? As it stands right now, his career path has changed. He is no longer immaculate. And there will always be a cloud over him until he comes clean. It’s not that he owes it to us. It’s that he owes it to himself.

The big non-story of the moment has everything to do with TMZ. I’m not one to criticize those who are obsessed with celebrity. My TMZ video is clearly the highpoint of the first 25 years of my life. But I do have a bit of a problem with wealthy blowhards who are obsessed with being more wealthy and famous. I am of course, talking about the Salahi’s, who “attended” the first White House state dinner. Watching these two morons I get the feeling that the man, Tareq, is just along for the ride while his smiling wife Michelle (whose name I refuse to spell “correctly”) tries her darnedest to get famous. People like this just make me so unnecessarily angry. The silver lining of all of this is that hopefully the White House security will be extra careful all the time. The turd-colored lining is if these two nitwits give an idea to some other nitwit who wants to “meet” the President and his family. I hope that the Salahi’s go to jail for as long a time as possible. Maybe they can get famous there.