Trips home always sort of set me back. There’s something for me about returning there that makes me feel trapped. When I’m home, I mostly want to leave. Especially in the winter. It’s about 10 degrees colder there than here, no matter what. It takes a lot of driving to get anywhere (I’ve become used to things taking a while here while driving, even though I’m not going far. Two weeks ago, it took me 30 minutes to drive 5 miles, to Wheaton, MD. The drive from my apartment to Georgetown is about 7 miles and takes roughly 30 minutes of my time. In Massachusetts, my best friend is 24 miles from my house and it takes the same amount of time. These numbers confound me.).

To understand my dislike for my home, you have to understand my home: Taunton, Massachusetts. Taunton is best described as the land time is forgetting. The city lacks culture. The city lacks hope. It’s an old factory/mill town that hasn’t reinvented itself and hasn’t shown any signs that it will. And that’s sad because there’s enough potential in the city, however hard to find as it may be. The downtown could be beautiful and prosperous. The infrastructure is there, but the businesses are not. They’re hanging out about 3 miles down the road in a strip of stores and restaurants that lead to a sizable 2-level shopping mall, the Silver City Galleria, a place where you can, without fail, run into someone you know and wish you hadn’t.

And that pretty much sums up Taunton. And if you think I’m being crass, well then, you’ve never been there. I could go into more detail, but that would be more ranting than writing. And I’m not really feeling ranty.

The thing about this particular trip home that made it less enjoyable besides the fact that it was Christmas, a holiday I have very little use for (I’m thinking of calling it Thanksgiving with Baby Jesus In Lieu of Pilgrims) was that I needed to pack up all of my belongings. When I moved 2 years ago, I didn’t take everything I wanted because I didn’t have the space for it and really, my house wasn’t going anywhere. My parents had bought it 7 years before and with my dad’s health, they weren’t going to be moving. Well, things happen when you move away from home. And the house has been for sale for 18 months. Three days before I came home, I found out that an offer had been made on it.

I dislike a lot of things (as anyone who reads this knows), but none more than packing. Packing is not fun for me. It’s never been. It never will be. This pack was probably the worst. 2 trips to U-Haul to buy boxes. 3 days in my bedroom. 4 hours in my closet. And way more than 5 moments of distraction. My favorite, or at least the most enjoyable, was my stumbling upon my notebook for my final semester of college. One notebook for five classes. Roughly 20% of the pages containing writing. Most of that writing being my rants or side comments.

Most of the packing, though, was not enjoyable. Deciding whether or not there are enough memories to save something is fine once or twice, but I’m far too nostalgic to do this dozens of times a day. It’s unnecessarily emotionally draining.

(Bear with me, I’m almost done)

Sitting here now, at my computer in Amanda and my apartment, typing away on a cold Saturday night while Amanda gets dinner with friends, I find myself more relaxed than I’ve been since my drive to Massachusetts on Christmas Eve. That morning, I walked out of Union Station about a half hour before the sun rose, on my way to work. Looking at the Capitol in all of it’s pre-dawn glory I felt lucky and thankful and excited and hopeful and relaxed. Being away from those feelings was not good for me. I missed work, I missed this city, and I missed my life here. It’s only now as I type that I feel like it’s hopefully starting to come back. And I like that.

Suggestions
Listen to: Dave Godowsky (aka John Shade). You can download his debut album (for free is you so choose) from his website, found here. Quirky, relaxing, folky, smart.

See: Up in the Air. I’ve seen it twice now and it’s only gotten better. Terrific acting. Great writing. Brilliantly shot.

Watch: Boise State/TCU in the Fiesta Bowl Monday. 8 p.m. on Fox.

Eat: Pad Thai from Nava Thai in Wheaton, MD.