Now, I don’t hate the NBA and have never claimed to. I find the NBA’s regular season to be as exciting as combing my hair, cutting my fingernails, and putting on deodorant. It’s just something that you have to do. Most of the time, you’re not even aware that you’re doing it. And only once in a great while will you get a really good style; something that you feel really good about when you leave the house.

Part of the problem with the NBA regular season is that more than half the teams in the league make the playoffs, which is kind of absurd. If 16 teams made the playoffs in Major League Baseball, the Washington Nationals and Cleveland Indians would have made the playoffs. Both finished below .500. Having sub-.500 teams qualify for the postseason renders the really good regular season matchups kind of obsolete. Yes it’s nice to get excited about a Heat/Bulls or Celtics/Magic game, but ask yourself if you’re seeing full effort from every player when they’re all certain that they’re playoff bound. In those games, maybe you are. Say you are 75% of the time. What happens when there’s a Heat/Hornets or Celtics/Bucks game? How low is that percentage?

What I’m getting at and what will assuredly annoy some, is that the NBA’s regular season stinks a fair amount of the time. Once in a while you have an exciting matchup on paper and it lives up to it on the court. More often than not though, the Rockets and Hawks are playing and you’re just asking yourself, “Why am I watching this? Does Josh Smith really care about the outcome of this game? Does he care as much as I do? I hope he doesn’t care as much as I do, but he looks like he doesn’t. Oh God, my life is so sad….”

The NBA: Where Self-Loathing Happens!

The NBA recently announced a new NBA League Pass plan, where you can pick five teams, get all of their games, and pay less money. My five (though I am an MLB.TV subscriber, I do not plan on purchasing League Pass)

1.) Boston Celtics

I mean, obviously.

2.) Oklahoma City Thunder

Watching Kevin Durant is something we should all be thankful for.

3.) Los Angeles Clippers

Lob city.

4.) Golden State Warriors

You’re guaranteed an exciting game every time out. Or at the very least, a lot of scoring.

5.) Sacramento Kings

Jimmer. Tyreke. DeMarcus. Another team that will be fun to watch under Paul Westphal’s offensive gameplan.

A hat tip to Chris Ferreira for pointing out on twitter the error one would make in picking teams like the Lakers, Heat, and Knicks. So many of their games will be on ESPN, TNT, or NBA TV, that you’re much wiser using those extra slots for teams who don’t get a lot of pub. He took the Pacers who are certainly in my top 10 and are a team that I think will make a big leap forward in 2011-12.

On to the playoffs:

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1. Miami Heat

2. Chicago Bulls

3. New York Knicks

4. Indiana Pacers

5. Orlando Magic

6. Boston Celtics

7. Atlanta Hawks

8. Philadelphia 76ers

That 8 spot could belong to anyone except for Washington. I think the Celtics age is what lands them in the sixth spot with a tough first round matchup with the Knicks. Ultimately though, I think the Heat run away with the East. I expect a 58-8 season from the Heat. Indiana gives them a little trouble in the second round, taking them to 6 games, but the skill of the Heat will lead them to a first round sweep of Philly and a Eastern Conference Finals dismantling of the Bulls.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

1. Oklahoma City Thunder

2. San Antonio Spurs

3. Memphis Grizzlies

4. Los Angeles Clippers

5. Denver Nuggets

6. Dallas Mavericks

7. Portland Trail Blazers

8. New Orleans Hornets

For all the shifting of players, including Carmelo and Amar’e coming to New York, the West, overall, is still best, especially when it comes to depth. Miami, Chicago, and New York don’t have a lot of depth. Oklahoma City, San Antonio, and Memphis are built on depth. And depth will be key in a 66-game schedule with many back-to-back and a few back-to-back-to backs. I like the top 3 to advance and the Nuggets to beat the Clippers (I love Denver’s depth). After that, Oklahoma City and Memphis will play to seven games in the Western Conference Finals, with the Thunder winning at home.

NBA FINALS

Miami over Oklahoma City in 5. The Thunder get one step closer, only to be run off the court by a hungry, focused Miami Heat team, led by LeBron James.

NBA MVP: LeBron James

NBA Coach of the Year: Erik Spoelstra

First NBA Coach to get Fired: Flip Saunders

Sidebar:

A few weeks ago, I was challenged by a coworker to list my NBA playoff teams off the top of my head and I said the Washington Wizards would be the Eastern Conference’s 8 seed. For some reason, (homerism? high from watching this year’s Kentucky team causing me to think John Wall can carry an NBA team?) I thought that Washington was somehow a good team. Two nights later, albeit in a preseason game, they got blown out by the Philadelphia 76ers, who aren’t exactly Jordan’s Bulls. They’re not even Jordan’s Wizards.

My thought about depth being key in 2011-12 (actually stolen from Bill Simmons) led me to believe that the Wizards could be a viable playoff team because thye have a lot of players. The inherent flaw in that logic is that to have good depth you also have to have good players. The Wizards don’t.

Right away, a statement like that leads people to throw up their hands in the name of John Wall. But I ask of them, what exactly has John Wall accomplished in his career. If I went onto the playgrounds of DC, or New York, or hell, Indiana, I could find you an athletic, 6 foot guard who could play 38 minutes and shoot 5-for-18 from the field. Of course, he might not be as quick as Wall, but what good is quickness when you don’t know how to use it. Wall seems to be much too content to take stupid 3s, which has never been his strong suit. He’s like a faster Rajon Rondo. Or at least he should be. Instead, he’d rather be the poor man’s Allen Iverson. Remind me, how many championships (college, pro, Olympics) did AI win? I’ll be waiting here while you look that up. Take your time.

This doesn’t fall entirely on the shoulders of John Wall. Lots of blame belongs to GM Ernie Grunfeld, who has built an absurd team that somehow has 10 forwards on the current roster. The team’s center is JaVale McGee, who not a lot of fans hear much about, but who has made quiet a name for himself in DC. McGee has shown no recognition of the proper way one should represent himself and his organization. But with nothing else in the system, and no free agents willing to come to a dysfunctional situation, the Wizards are stuck with the immature McGee. And he’s what counts for veteran leadership here.

Flip Saunders will be fired before any other NBA coach because it’s abundantly clear after two preseason games that this team isn’t going to play for him now. They didn’t do it last season. Nothing has changed.

NBA Rookie of the Year (a top 5 rookies to watch):

5. Alec Burks- He can’t shoot a lick, but he made a name for himself at Colorado for his ability to slash and get to the line. He’ll do the same in Utah for a Jazz team that isn’t going anywhere except the Lottery.

4. Ricky Rubio- Speaking of inability to shoot….As a playmaker, Rubio will make an already very watchable Minnesota team even more watchable. Look for the Timberwolves to make a run at the 8 spot in the West.

3. Kyrie Irving- Speaking of inability to shoot….Irving is the rich man’s Alec Burks, except he’s also a marvelous passer. He’ll be a bit hidden on a terrible Cleveland team, which could limit his vote count.

2. Norris Cole- Cole is a stat-sheet-stuffer. He’ll start the year as the Heat’s backup PG, but do not be surprised if he finishes as their starter. He gives meaning to the (fast becoming tired) phrase “ball so hard.” The definition of that? Look at his line in this game last year at Cleveland State against Youngstown State.

1. Jimmer Fredette- Okay, this guy can shoot. The Jimmer will put up big numbers for a team no one will watch, Luckily for him, he comes in with the name recognition that a lot of his rookie peers do not and he’ll be able to get over the fact that his team is never on national TV.

That’s all folks. Before I go though, I would like to congratulate the 2011-12 Miami Heat on their NBA championship. We’ll all be rooting for you…