There is no big offseason acquisition.

Everything is a fatal flaw.

The home came without ceilings.

The floors are very deep.

The Houston Astros are, on paper, the worst team I have ever seen in my years of watching baseball.

The 2003 Detroit Tigers are the reference point for the 2013 Houston Astros. That team finished the regular season with 43 wins. I believe that this Astros team is worse than that.

It’s hard to start anywhere with Houston. The most positive thing is that in these years of abject futility, they have developed a pretty darn good farm system. With the first pick in last June’s draft they took Carlos Correa, a highly skilled shortstop from Puerto Rico. They’ll have the top pick again this year and will probably look to bolster their organizational pitching with a future starter (perhaps Stanford senior Mark Appel). There’s more in the system too. George Springer. Delino DeShields Jr. Jonathan Singleton.  But none of them are likely to get any playing time this season. That’s what makes these Astros so bad. They’re awful with no immediate hope. Usually, fans can rally around seeing a future star in a really down year, like the 2010 Washington Nationals with Stephen Strasburg. Or the Devil Rays with guys like BJ Upton back when they were still devilish bad.

Houston doesn’t have that luxury this year.

Lets start in the outfield. Projected starters: Justin Maxwell (failed Nationals prospect from a few years back….304 OBP last year with Houston), Fernando Martinez (failed Mets prospect from a few years back……300 OBP last year with Houston), and JD Martinez (serviceable fourth outfielder on some teams…..311 OBP last year with Houston). JD Martinez is one of the Astros’ two best players.

In the infield, it’s Jose Altuve (5’5” second baseman and de facto Houston All-Star last year despite a .340 OBP with 7 HR and a slugging pct. under .400) and some other guys. Those guys are Brett Wallace, Tyler Greene, and Matt Dominguez. You’re forgiven for being a little confused here.

In the rotation, the bright spot is Phillip Humber who threw the flukiest perfect game in Major League history last season. He’s joined by some other guys, including Jordan Lyles, who I’ll likely write about later this season when I put together my “Irrational Love” team of guys I like for no explainable reason.

And if all of this wasn’t enough to sell out Minute Maid Park, the Astros are moving to the AL West, where they’ll get to play 18 games each against the Rangers, Angels, Athletics, and improving Mariners  At the very least, that’s probably 2 games (minimum) against Felix Hernandez. And they’ll get to play the Yankees, Blue Jays, Red Sox, Tigers, Rays, etc. 6 times each.

But hey, their new (old) logo is pretty cool. As is their new manager, Bo Porter. Bo comes from the Nationals where he was the third base coach under Davey Johnson. I like Bo. I’ll be rooting for Bo. But I have a sneaking suspicion that Bo is about to know futility. Perhaps of the historic kind.

Predicted Finish: 41-121