That’s “Doc” Rivers. I could talk about how upsetting last night’s game was, but if you watched it (Ryan and Matt) you know how you felt when the game was over. I felt/feel the same way. I still think the Celtics will win the series (at least I hope they will). I, as well as the readers, am nervous for the Celtics.

Fire Doc Rivers!

Today’s post may be typed very poorly. I apologize in advance for this. I have a puffy piece of gauze on my thumb. Needless to say, sticking your hand in the trash to compress it is a really dumb idea, especially when there is razor sharp aluminum in there. I’m a moron. As well, I’m still functioning on minimal sleep (about 8 hours in the last four days). However, this is a sports blog, not a blog about my life. There’s clearly less demand for that.

Going to hit the meat of post now, with my breakdown of the first round of the NFL Draft.

I was 6/31 in my Round 1 Mock Draft (V.2). Mel Kiper was 5/31. I’m just saying. Full disclosure, I only hit one of my second round picks (Donnie Avery).

But lets move past my self-glorification. Here’s how the breakdown will work for Round 1 analysis. I’ll tell you the pick. I’ll grade the pick (1=Beyond injury, this guy can’t miss with this team, 2=This guy will need some work, but could be very good with this team, or just mediocre (most of the guys will be this), or 3=This team’s GM is mentally retarded and doesn’t know the difference between the NFL Draft and an NFL Fantasy League). And I’ll have some sort of insightful and/or witty comment. Let’s go:

1. Miami Dolphins-Jake Long (OT)
Grade=1
Great pick. So rarely do teams actually take the guy they should in this situation. They go for name or skill. Great pick by the Dolphins. They take the best guy for their team.

2. St. Louis Rams-Chris Long (DE)
Grade=2
It’s an okay pick, really. Long might be very good, but he was not a powerhouse defensive player at Virginia. He was very good. But no one in the middle of the year said, “Wow, no one can stop that kid.” They, instead said, “Holy shit I’m old. Howie Long’s son is a college senior!?!?”

3. Atlanta Falcons-Matt Ryan (QB)
Grade=3
Matt Ryan might be an okay quarterback in his career. But this team is terrible. And thinking a quarterback will solve that problem is foolish. They should have drafted Glenn Dorsey.

4. Oakland Raiders-Darren McFadden (RB)
Grade=2
This was almost a 3. They didn’t need a running back. Are you going to tell me that moving down for an OT or drafting Gholston would not have been more of a help. That said, McFadden is still very skilled.

5. Kansas City Chiefs-Glenn Dorsey (DT)
Grade=1
Great pick. This is the definition of a “1” grade. Barring injury, this is a can’t miss.

6. New York Jets-Vernon Gholston (DE/OLB)
Grade=2
Gholston apparently lacks the motor that Chris Long possesses. What he does have is more skill than Long. So if he finds the motivation, he could be Mario Williams in a few years.

7. New Orleans Saints-Sedrick Ellis (DT)
Grade=3
Great pick. Their defense was terrible. They improved it with this pick. Let’s just hope for New Orleans sake that Sedrick Ellis doesn’t have any Jonathan Sullivan in him.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars-Derrick Harvey (DE)
Grade=2
I almost went with a 1 here. Look, everyone complained at how much they gave up to get here. They didn’t need that much in terms of draft pieces to be great next year. They’re, on paper, the AFC’s best team. So they add some depth on the D-Line. Really not that much of a reach. Unlike another team a few picks down the line.

9. Cincinnati Bengals-Keith Rivers (OLB)
Grade=1
This is a borderline 1/2 grade. However, Rivers is a great character guy with a great motor coming to a porous defense. Seems like a good equation to me.

10- New England Patriots-Jerod Mayo (OLB)
Grade=2
Good pick, not mind blowing by any means. As usual, the Patriots draft a guy that no one had them picking.

11. Buffalo Bills-Leodis McKelvin (CB)
Grade=2
Eh. This pick doesn’t make me sexually excited as it did ESPN’s entire crew on Saturday. McKelvin did not play at the highest of levels in college. We’ll see how he fares in the NFL. I’m giving this pick time. Leodis McKelvin…like wine.

12. Denver Broncos-Ryan Clady (OT)
Grade=1
When you need an OL and you draft the best OL and it’s 4 months until people start, you know, playing, this pick has to be a 1.

13. Carolina Panthers-Jonathan Stewart (RB)
Grade=3…no, a 4…perhaps a 72?
This was the worst pick of the first round in my opinion. The biggest head scratcher by far. Most prognosticators had Rashard Mendenhall (bigger back, quicker, less wear and tear) ranked higher than Stewart. And Carolina didn’t need a running back in Round 1. But the Panthers laugh in the face of common sense. They needed an OT? And Brandon Albert, Chris Williams, and Jeff Otah were still available? So what! Let’s draft a running back!

14. Chicago Bears-Chris Williams (OT)
Grade=2
A sound pick by the Bears.

15. Kansas City Chiefs-Brandon Albert (OT/OG)
Grade=1
I loved their first three picks (Brandon Flowers (CB) in Round 2 was their 3rd). But who didn’t? On paper, the best draft. And then they go out and sign a stud undrafted QB. Much like with the Broncos, the Chiefs needed an OT and took the top prospect at said position.

16. Arizona Cardinals-Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (CB)
Grade=1
They could have drafted a scarecrow to play CB and it would have been a “2.” Rodgers-Cromartie, to the best of my knowledge, is not a scarecrow.

17. Detroit Lions-Gosder Cherilus (OT)
Grade=2
A bit of a reach and I would have taken Jeff Otah. But, whatever.

18. Baltimore Ravens-Joseph Flacco (QB)
Grade=2
Where Cerilus was a bit of reach, this was some Stretch Armstrong stuff. No team below them until they picked again was going to draft a QB in Round 1. It wasn’t even a question. That said, I think Flacco is the best prospect in this draft.

19. Carolina Panthers-Jeff Otah (OT)
Grade=2
They move up to take a guy they should have taken at 13 and give up this draft’s 2nd and 4th round picks AAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDD next year’s 1st rounder. But at least they didn’t draft a running back.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-Aqib Talib (CB)
Grade=2
I like the pick a lot. Almost enough to make it a 1. Nice cajones by the Bucs for taking Talib despite “character concerns.” He should fit in pretty well.

21. Atlanta Falcons-Sam Baker (OT)
Grade=3
This is just a moronic reach. Just stupid.

22. Dallas Cowboys-Felix Jones (RB)
Grade=1
A great mix with Marion “The Barbarian.” And he’s a Hog. And I was calling for this pick. The only problem I kind of have with this pick is that Rashard Mendenhall is still available.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers-Rashard Mendenhall (RB)
Grade=2
This is almost a 3, only because I don’t see the actual need. You look at the rest of Round 1 and who was available, are you going to tell me that Antoine Cason or Mike Jenkins wouldn’t make more sense? Mendenhall might end up being a very good feature back in his career, but in the short term, I still don’t understand.

24. Tennessee Titans- Chris Johnson (RB)
Grade=3
This competes with Carolina’s first pick as the single dumbest decision in World History. They needed (and still DO!) a wide receiver. All of them were available (including former Vince Young teammate Limas Sweed). So they took the dynamic speedster running back when they already have 2 decent to mediocre running backs on the roster.

25. Dallas Cowboys-Mike Jenkins (CB)
Grade=2
Very good first round for the ‘Boys.

26. Houston Texans-Duane Brown (OT)
Grade=2
Most people give this a 3 or their equivalent. However, I think if we give it time, it might not be such a terrible pick.

27. San Diego Charger-Antoine Cason (CB)
Grade=1
I love it more than I love driving on a sunny day with the window down listening to 6 year old pop-punk music. Defensive rookie of the year.

28. Seattle Seahawks-Lawrence Jackson (DE)
Grade=2
This really isn’t a bad pick, because like Jacksonville, what do the Seahawks really need to address in round 1? Tight end was a weakness for this team, but really, Fred Davis and Dustin Keller are not surefire first rounders. So they bolster up the D-Line. Can’t hurt, right?

29. San Francisco 49ers-Kentwan Balmer (DT)
Grade=2
This is a really good pick. Time will tell if Balmer’s game can translate to the NFL, but the 49ers at least made a smart pick. Sure they would have loved to have had the 7th pick, to take Sedrick Ellis, but that’s the price you pay for Joe Staley.

30. New York Jets-Dustin Keller (TE)
Grade=3
I don’t get it. Someone explain it to me. They needed a tight end that badly?

31. New England Patriots- Pick forfeited (Head Coach)
Grade=3
It would have been nice to have had this pick…

32. New York Giants-Kenny Phillips (S)
Grade=2
This is neither a great pick or a terrible one. Phillips should be a nice addition to their secondary. Nice. Not fantastic.

Game O’ The Day: Phoenix @ San Antonio (Game 5). This is a must win game for the Suns. If they don’t win this game, their coach will be fired and whatever system they’ve established there goes absolutely kaput. With it will go Steve Nash’s career, sadly. He was designed to run this offense. Or perhaps this offensive system was designed for Steve Nash to run it. Whatever it is, the Suns need to win tonight and the next two games. They cannot be eliminated by the Spurs again in the playoffs or we will lose the most entertaining offense since Showtime.