One of my favorite George Carlin bits, found in his books, was “Short Takes.” Sometimes, the best comedy is one-liners. Most of my favorites I choose not to publish in this mostly family friendly space. But, for example:

“Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjack: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?”

With that, I’m in a bit of a scatter-brained mood, so allow me to rip off perhaps the best stand up comedian in history with a few of the thoughts that have been troubling me recently. Some will be intended jokes, other observations:

-Who invented stand up comedy and why do people enjoy watching some guy or girl talk about how pathetic their life is?

-This college kid on the train today kept talking to his friend about the concept of “loneliness” and how the concept is not real. His “argument” was that society makes us believe in it. And while his banter was just typical college-kid nonsense, I really hoped that about twenty years from now, he comes home from work to find that his wife and two children have packed up and left him alone.

-How much money do you think those two guys from Los del Rio made from one song?

-On that subject, listen to the “Macarena” and tell yourself that you couldn’t have come up with that song.

-There are so many awful sports announcers. I find myself constantly yelling at the TV having to correct things and I wonder, “Why is it so hard to get a job in sports media?”

-Also on the train today, a man with visible chunks of dandruff kept scratching his head and I could see the pieces of dead scalp falling to the ground and I thought, “Hat?”

-The MAAC will get two teams in this year’s NCAA tournament: Siena and Niagara.

-Why do people still watch “Family Guy?” The same thing happens every episode.

-I really enjoy that I live so close to West Virginia. Sunday, I wanted to go for a drive, so I just drove to West Virginia. That used to take 10 hours. Now it takes 1.

-I know everyone loves revenge and all, but the death penalty is just really stupid. A man was put to death in Virginia today who murdered two people 8 years ago. It was the only crime he ever commit and he did it to impress a stripper. Do you think maybe life in prison and psychiatric counseling would have worked a little bit better than lethal injection?

-I’m making progress on my “Best Of The Decade” mix. I have successfully listed every album of worth that I own from this decade and my next project will be to list my favorite song from each album. I will then whittle down the list to 15 or so, saving room for great singles.

-When I watch college basketball or football, I really wish I had gone to a Division I university.

And that’s it for now. A cheap way to have a blog post and thus feel like a productive person. I’ll leave you with another Carlin gem:

“You live eighty years, and the best you get is about six minutes of pure magic.”